The connection of a father to their child is much different from that of the mother. The mother has the opportunity to be with the child 24/7 for 9 months, which I understand is not always pleasant, especially for me. However, a father sits and waits through the emotional chaos of pregnancy and tries to avoid getting yelled at. I will say my wife helped me “bond” with the kids during the pregnancy by assigning me the job of naming our kids. However, the birth is where it really all began for me. As soon as I heard the first little cry and saw that tiny little person it was over! I was in love and I knew my biggest problem was going to be telling my little girl “no.”
Now I must admit parenting did not come naturally at all! I was one that would change a diaper because I felt like I couldn’t mess that up. I prefer the less messy ones but will do my fair share of the stinky! Penny was always understanding of my deficiencies in the parenting department. It’s funny how when you have the right partner, parenting just seems to work out.
After Lily, who cried during what seemed like every waking moment till she was four months, I was certain I could handle Harper. I had visions of wrestling in the living room being dog piled by everyone including the dog, Petey. In my mind I heard two little voices screaming “daddy’s home” as I come in from work! Well life threw us curve ball, and I realized my vision of our little growing family would not be our reality. Now I come home to a little girl who might be screaming with excitement on the inside but cannot express it on the outside.
I love my girls but fathering a special needs child is just as emotional for Dad as it is for Mom. We have mixed feelings of guilt and of anger like everyone else going through what we are experiencing. The hardest challenge for me personally was exposing our situation to the world. However, when my wife and I realized this illness wasn’t one Harper was going to eventually heal from we understood we had to disclose her condition, our issues and our feelings with others in an effort to help her and ourselves. So no, this is not the vision I had of what my family would be but it is a great family and I couldn’t imagine having a better one to help Harper succeed to the best of her abilities.