In my
previous post I mentioned that the parts of Harper not donated to science were cremated. Body donation is delicate but it is not a scene out of Frankenstein. Science takes the pieces they need and can appropriately preserve for valuable research. The remains are left to the family.
What did we do with Harper’s remains?
First, we thought of Lily and Seth! We knew they needed their very own piece of Harper to talk to and love. As we walked around the funeral home waiting to meet with the director we turned the corner and saw the perfect piece! Two small heart urns!
What is the significance?
In 2008 when Lily was born I worked for an environmental testing laboratory which required a couple of business trips a year. The first time I left Lily I gave her a heart that said Love on it and I carried with me a small purple heart so she knew my heart was always with her and hers always with me.
We carried this tradition on with each child for any trip where I had to be gone from them for any significant period of time. I knew as soon as I saw those two hearts exactly what Harper was saying!
Next, I thought of Dustin
In my opinion, the loss of a child is hardest on Daddies. Why?
Dustin sacrifices the time in his relationship with the kids every day by going to work. I get to stay home with the children and be a part of each milestone as it happens.
He saw Harper ride a horse because I sent video. He saw Harper’s trip to the toy store because I sent pictures. He watched videos, looked at pictures, and heard stories. His quality time with her had to wait until nights and weekends. The sacrifice of the day-to-day made the time spent more special, but it was a sacrifice nonetheless.
Dustin loved holding Harper so I really felt he should have something very special that he could carry with him on a daily basis. After much research and some assistance from the funeral home, we located
Heart in Diamond.
My advice here is take time and be careful. Many products claim to be of your loved ones but really only market to your emotional state of mind rather than provide you with what you think you are getting.
I spoke to the person in charge of the company and eventually, we sent some of Harper’s ashes and a small strand of hair from each family member and they are currently in the process of growing a diamond out of the material provided. The tiny diamond will be placed in Dustin’s wedding band, which can either stay with him in death or be passed on to Seth.
Finally, we come to me!
What does Mommy want (besides her baby back?)
When GG passed away I took a strand of her pearls and a strand of my mom’s pearls and had a necklace, bracelet and clip on earrings made for the Lily and Harper! There were enough pearls left over from that to have a bracelet made for me. So, that is what I am doing!
I reached out to a very special friend who happened to work in the industry to have a bracelet designed and a clasp hand made that would house Harper’s ashes, because I too wanted a piece of Harper with me everywhere I go. Today this important memento was completed.
My baby is in the handcrafted clasp of my handmade bracelet from my mothers pearl necklace.
Was that all of Harper? No!
The rest lay peacefully on Daddy’s side of the bed where she loved to fall asleep at night before being moved to her own room to sleep in her own bed. She really didn’t like to share her space much…sassy girl!
I didn’t leave the Grandparents and Aunts out, but I really felt Harper’s ashes belong only with us.
So what could I do? A mini handprint embossed in metal so they could hold her hand no matter where they go!
No prep plan for grief
The preparations we made both physically and mentally during the 5 years and 9 months that we thought were hell for our family was nothing compared to the lifetime of grief we carry now. The only way this could have ever ended well is with a CURE! As we take steps each day to move forward won’t you consider moving forward with us to find that cure?
Move forward with us
Follow Hope4Harper on social media (
Twitter,
Facebook,
YouTube) and get updates in real time as we travel to San Diego to see Harper’s cells as they grow and benefit scientific research! This lab visit will take place on what would have been her 6th birthday (April 12, 2016).
Help MAKE HOPE REAL by being on a subcommittee for our
Run4Hope 5K and Kids Fun Run event to raise money for seizure research and Epilepsy awareness.
Editor’s note: the items mentioned in this post that were purchased to store or memorialize Harper’s remains were paid for from the personal family budget.
